Me Napped

Maybe when the sheep left he blew a hole in my perfect world. Things are less busy, sheep wise, and more busy, busy-wise.

Teaching and arranging and conducting in class and after class. Large teenagers striding around, helping keep the house running. We have mighty house, and staff is required. I think they are looking forward to getting out, because that's part of it, isn't it, growing up, wanting to run your own life and stay on your computer or phone as long as you want. I guess you know you're doing it right if your kids are looking forward to all the things they get to unwrap in their upcoming lives.

I can't look at too much of it without a magnifying glass, but where is my heart in all this. Parts of it are huge and overused and parts of it are shrunken and weak. Some of us are just standing around in there wondering when the fire was.

I'm rushing around in my life because I don't understand where all of this is going. Why is it going, and where do I fit?

With the horses I understand. There are steps, and elementary education is happening, and they are simple and furry, and dopey and genuine. Also huge and I must be a lion at times to be heard and understood. I guess not that different from my real human life.

When I finish a book like I just did, and send it to the agent then there's this gap and I try not to fall down. I start looking around and avoiding writing the next thing. I go and see old friends and they make me remember who I am and I miss her, even though I am in her.

My life has run away with me.