The More You Do It, the Less Impossible It Seems

It was freezing, wet ground, windy and blustery this morning so I thought, it's a good day to ground drive Dewey to the park. Also, it's trash truck Monday, why not add another diversion to test the poor guy. Hadn't driven him a week, and put on his harness and for some reason he had a little freak out like he was suddenly surprised he didn't like the harness on his butt, and bounced around a little in the barn but he didn't really go anywhere, so I kept harnessing him up and checked all his straps and then we were off to the park. In the driveway there is a huge chocolate brown tarp that is billowing up over the bicycles and a ladder on the other side, and Dewey is eyeing it all but he walks past it. We head out the gate, and he's still feeling the wind, and being a young TB, but I start driving him and we settle in. I decided when you ground drive you have to pretend you are actually on a carriage ride, and act accordingly. So you keep an eye out for danger, keep your horse moving forward, and feel his mouth on the end of the rein. He's trusting you. Dewey settles in alongside the trafficky road, and next to the dogs barking at houses we pass. We take a different route to the park, and once in the park we pass white plastic bagged trash waiting to be picked up, and we trot through the park on a route we don't usually go - I make a loop through the trees, and along the outline of the park and you know what, Dewey loves to work. He loves to do nothing MORE, but when he's all harnessed up, he wants to go somewhere. We go into the park arena, and I unharness him and let him roll. The sun feels so good I sit down in the middle of the arena on the drying wet sand from rain last night, and I lie flat on the ground. Then I look up and Dewey is laying flat on the ground too. It just feels good. I go over and sit on him, the big warm cow that he is, and we reflect on how we're doing that day. Or at least I do. Then chase him around so he can gallop and stretch his legs. Harness him back up, and we head back out down the road, past flapping tarps. On our little sidestreet I forget to watch where we're going, I just feel him. I feel his head relax down, I feel him moving forward freely, I guide him side to side, to make our connection solid and gentle. A huge trash truck comes barreling at us and I wave loudly at him and he stops and cuts his engine, which I wish he didn't, I just wanted him to slow down. Dewey passes the trash truck with no problem. We walk home as one horsepersonanimal - driving is the same as riding because Dewey is waiting to see what I want, and waiting to fulfill it. He's also happy to just be out exploring. On the secret path right before our house is a long skinny bamboo that's fallen across the path. Dewey stops and wants to turn around, but he just stops. I pet him and let him stand there. Then I encourage him forward. He's still saying uhhh, that stick is blowing in the wind. If I step on that stick it will move. I will be scared. I stop and let him relax, like we're not going anywhere. We're just going to stay here. We stand there for awhile until the fear goes away. Dewey does not want to go over the stick, but I gently pick up the reins and say come on, let's just walk over it. He walks over it. I'm getting better and handling the whip, and tossing it over him so I can help speed him up or guide him that way. Before it felt very heavy and awkward. Practice is helping. Yesterday I put two kids on him double for the first time in his life, and walked them around. Four legs on him and he was fine with it. He likes to be part of the family. He knows he belongs. What a pretty nice thing for any of us to have, right? As for driving, it is helping to do each step - I had him pulling chain for the first time last week. And I walked him with PVC pipe against his side to get him used to shafts. It's exciting to be getting him used to all the things he'd have to endure as a driving horse. Mostly, though, it's nice to learn from off his back, that this horse will do anything I ask him. He will try. He's trusting me. So it's only fair to ask him to do things he can succeed at - then we both can build our confidence. Blustery trash truck freezing day - go out and do it. The more you do it, the less impossible it seems. I can even see doing a parade. Because then the noise is just part of the ride. If you say it's okay, your horse can be worried, but if you keep him going, then he will see it's okay. Then it's just part of the day.

Dewey After 3 Years

What's weird is, when you start doing stuff you're afraid of, you forget to be afraid. It's been 3 years now, of me riding Dewey. Two trips to the hospital, one broken finger. But those were two bad rides out of about 700 rides maybe? And both of the bad rides were because of youthfulness, and me not being careful enough. Now I'm going out almost every day, and we're in a good routine. I like the time out, he likes the time out. In fact, I think he'd like more days off actually. He's getting a little slow! But now we go out into the dam alone, today we took a new path we have never ridden alone, along the golf course. I haven't ridden it except once about 2 yrs ago. It is a LONG trail, and ugly! But it forced us to canter quite a bit, which is the scary thing for me since I don't practice it very much and not out on trail for long stretches. This path had lots of long stretches, so we did our cantering, and he was perfect, slow and ready to quit when I was. So in a way, it was a good path to take when I need to have him stretch his legs. We just won't do the whole loop, around the lake after, because it took almost 3 hours door to door. That's just too much time for me. An hr and a half ride is a good amount of time, but since we live so far from the dam, it always adds a half hr to the ride. Dewey is getting really great at doing what you ask, walking over scary stuff, being poked by scary stuff, totally enjoyed standing in the creek and having a snack and gulps of water. We went out without trail boots and I got off and walked him over steep or rocky ground, just to give his feet a break. We are definitely enjoying a partnership - growing our trust and confidence in each other. And learning to use my whole body, and using three different saddles - treeless, dressage and Aussie. He's a willing and loving creature. I've learned so much the last 3 years. Now that we're comfy out on the trail at the moment, I'll get him riding with buddies again, and I'm looking for a buddy horse for him. Also I'm looking for a harness again so I can get back to ground driving. He'll be a cart and trail horse. And I'm going to get the kids riding a little each month so they can gain riding skills in the arena and be able to go on trail with me. Dewey is almost mellow enough now for them to ride out on trail with me walking alongside. He loves going out with Becky, she runs in and out of brush and in and out of the creek and he feels good with her out there, and it's good for him too. I guess the point is, when I have a bad ride I feel like giving up, but since I keep going anyway, the practice seems to work. At least with a young horse. Getting out and riding is really the only way to grow your trust, your partnership, and your skills. And get comfortable and confident on the trails. Exposure to anything takes the fear out of it. I should use this in other aspects of life! Right now fresh bread is baking so I'm going to eat it. Hope everyone out there keeps riding. Oh also, you can ride a horse when they have hives. If anyone is wondering. He's still got some edema from it, but the water is coming out and riding seems to be fine.

Free Forward Motion

Can I just talk about Dewey progress for a minute. Okay, so about a month ago I was riding with Lisa and going up a big hill and we started cantering, and Dewey gave a huge buck in celebration and I landed on his neck. Not the ideal position for riding, especially at 49. So I stopped riding with friends for awhile, and focused on getting my seat stronger and legs stronger, and just improve my skills in general. Kaitlin helped me by telling me to practice sitting a working trot, and doing up up down posting to get my legs in the right place. Then I figured out that I was holding him back because I was afraid of him going forward. He's so tall and young and strong. But once I realized what she said - release him to have free forward motion, it's been amazing. In the arena, I sit this strong faster trot, and open my body in the front, using all my "Core" as they say, the stomach, and I guess the hip and front of the thigh. I also started looking up and where I'm going, instead of down and worried about what Dewey was going to step on and scare himself. This greatly helped our forward motion! (I did need to do that for awhile, keep track of stuff under his feet, but I can move on and do that less, since he's gotten pretty good.) So the past three days I've gone out on trail alone and slowly started testing myself and my work. I started with the one bamboo trail we always take, and just relaxed. Then I took the loop around the lake which has lots of open space, which is intimidating, but which I started trotting - sitting and posting, sitting and posting, to get Dewey used to moving forward, outside, and listening. Having the dressage saddle during my arena practice helped me figure out my leg position, so now I can feel when my leg isn't under me, where it should be. So yesterday I did the lake loop for the second time after a long break, and then we did a different bamboo home where it's quiet and beautiful and we wade through water at the end. And then we hike up this big mountain and we're home. Each day has been about 2 hr rides. Then today, Dewey was definitely more dragging going out - I don't know if it's hard on him on the hills, he feels broken going down hill, but I think it's strengthening him in his weak areas - he isn't lame afterwards. Today I took a different way there, up a gradual hill in the estates, got off and handwalked him through Bella Vista stables (a new experience), where he could see lots of other horses, then down the gradual hill where he bucked that one day. We went into the dam, through the bamboo backwards, which was new for us lately, and then through the other newish bamboo, waded through water and then headed back out. We cantered little bits where I felt safe, and what I'm doing now is making sure I'm looking up, heels down, and asking for forward (not up!). It helped that he was tired after 3 days of riding. So we cantered exactly where he bucked last time and no problem at all. So curse lifted there. Then walked riding him back thru Bella Vista and then home with no problems. He only hesitated once on bamboo trail when a stick poked his foot, and he took a few steps back. But instead of getting off, I waited and then urged him forward again and he was fine. It's really me having to get him out enough for him to have no excess energy, and then I can focus on my riding and his listening, and the stronger I am, the more he relaxes. He needed me to guide him. It's easier when I don't have to worry about danger/youth, and instead can focus on just regular riding. It is really nice to build this relationship and know him, day to day, and challenge ourselves. Last night I tried on his new/used harness, and he wasn't thrilled with the bridle with blinders, but we'll take our time to introduce it. We are doing pretty well right now. We'll get back to riding with people maybe once a week, and we'll even get back to cantering with them. But for now, our little baby steps seem to be working and building confidence in us both. His training is more fun when we have these successes. Tomorrow he gets the morning off cause I have to work (plus today, 3rd day straight on trail, even I was a little bored/tired), but I might fool with him in the harness out front tomorrow afternoon. He should also give the kids a riding lesson. I like seeing the amount of exercise he needs to be a good boy - it's exercise and exposure - he is getting it all, and it shows. I hope I get him to where I can actually drive him with a cart and he's safe!! But first we'll keep doing what we're doing. He likes all the attention. Plus his feet are getting nice and strong! One month with no trail boots at all. He gets little purple bruises sometimes, but he stays sound, so I figure he's doing allright. Still looking for a buddy horse for him but it has to be free, or almost free. Want the kids to ride before they go off to college. Maybe I'll get to go off to college too. Okay that's all more soon. Riveting details of our training. And then I came home and some eggs I thought were infertile and almost threw away but had a broody hen so I stuck them under her and I hear chirping today and there's one yellow chick and 3 more scratching to get out of their eggs. Nature is so powerful. It just speaks to me, all the life and the fluffiness and strength of it all. Also, I lost a bunch of weight and I weigh 160 which I think is good! It would be nice to lose 5 more pounds, and be able to eat ice cream sometimes. You have to exercise so much! The Dewey training does translate into the Real World...all the things I'm learning - like, in my regular day as I'm walking around all crushed by life and daily work, just remembering to open up - freeing the front of your body - free forward motion. Unlock yourself, and walk right in. It's tall and glorious out there, in front. It's ridiculous and fun.

Strong, Safe, Peaceful, Happy

Today I rode Dewey out with my Aussie saddle, and did the loop around the lake. It rained yesterday and I walked the trail with the kids while a girl rode Dewey and we all got our feet wet and drove the golf cart up the mountain (treacherous fun) with Nathan driving and we piled out and hiked and went through creeks and walked through wet sandy mud, and rain clears out the sky and gives fresh churned sand new hope. When we get back nice and safe and sound, you'd think time with the horse would satisfy my need to ride, but then I wake up wanting to go out the next day. So today all the work I'm doing in the arena pays off, because I'm trotting Dewey out on the trail and trying to turn off my brain so I can just focus on free forward motion, allowing him to move forward comfortably, with his head not up but comfortable, and my legs under me, and feel my whole body open in the front, supporting me. It's like before I rode shut down in the front, and now I'm allowing. Riding gives you a place to figure out your body, and a skill to practice, and at the same time I don't have to walk and I get to see pretty scenery. So I can't wait to go out tomorrow and see what trouble Dew and I can get into. Before when I would canter I would be worried about speed and control, and since I've been working on trot, it's helped me to have a stronger seat/leg, so when we fall into the canter out there again eventually, it should be easy and comfortable and safe. That's my goal. Strong, safe, peaceful, and happy. It's fun to ride without other people because then I can go the pace I want and focus on what I need to focus on without worrying about other people's needs. Plus I'm quiet, and don't have anything to say! What I miss about riding with other people is that it's nice to listen sometimes, and Dewey likes the company. But he's the same horse whether we go with buddies or not, and I've found for me he's more reliable when we just go ourselves and he's not playing around being an annoying little brother (and bucking) (ouch). His new used horse harness is getting here tomorrow, so that'll be fun to clean up and try on him and get him drive trained. He does like to be fussed with. He's a good horse, you just have to ride 5 days a week! I get grumpy, too, when I have to work and don't get to ride.

The Buck Stops Here

How do I ever get my confidence back if my stupid horse keeps bucking? Dewey has been so great, we've been having such a good time that I started going out on the trail by myself, walk trot cantering, and I haven't been completely secure, but secure enough to attempt it, and we've done really well. Then I go out with Lisa the other day and Dewey gives a few little bucks going into the canter, so I pull him back and we do the rest of the trail, and then we're going up a hill at the end of the ride and decide to canter again, and I kind of knew he wasn't in a good frame of mind, his nose way up in the air, his trot was sucking, and then Lisa starts to canter, and Dewey is too frolicky, and he just LAUNCHES his back end up in the hugest buck, and I fly upwards, looking down and seeing my stirrups empty, like a flung chicken, and then I land on his neck and think what the hell am I doing here, and luckily he bucks only two short ones and I have jerked him back to a stop and gotten my seat again and I am pissed. I'm pissed because I've come so far with this horse, and I am not 14 yrs old anymore, and I don't want to fall off. I don't want to ride this kind of horse doing this kind of behavior. He is the tallest horse, which makes his buck powerful, but also he is slow moving, mostly, which makes it easier to stay on. But I don't want to even HAVE the CHANCE to perfect my buck sitting. So after two days now of not ever wanting to ride again, I'm thinking well I just have to either make it thru this teenager horse situation, or just not ride. I have to sell the horse, or work through it, I have to use my friend Clare the rider to help me through it, help teach him not to do it -- he might do it forever, or he might only do it til he learns he can't do it. It's just hard to reprimand the horse when you're flying in the air. I haven't decided what to do. If I had the money, I would probably buy a Quarter horse, and just ride trails without ever having to worry again. For now I'll see what the next few weeks bring, but now I have to be ultra careful again, and learn to sit deep, be firm, improve myself. I like training Dewey, I just get tired of training instead of riding. Was really enjoying just riding lately. I just have kids, so I can't die. Riding is supposed to be fun, not all work. I can see that I will be soon have a little mini horse, and be driving all over the neighborhood instead of riding.

The first of anything

I thought I'd write because this is the first day I took Becky the dog on the trail, and the first day I rode my own big young horse into the dam by myself. I always plan to do all these brave things at night before going to sleep, and then in the morning I realize I am nowhere near as brave as I pretend to be at night or as brave as my warm, safe bed makes me feel. But then today I just did it. To get to the trail, you have to walk a lot of the way in the beginning along a busy road. So I didn't bother even getting on Dewey, because Becky is not used to being walked by someone who is riding a giant horse, and Becky is not good at being walked if ANYTHING else interesting is going by, because she is a puppy. So I stayed on the ground to not be launched into the air when she she tried to dart forward at another dog, or at a squirrel, or at anything, and she is strong! I'm pretty sure she is why the horse magazines say never walk your dog while on your horse. It was good to take Becky, though, once we walked all the way to the tunnel and got into Hansen Dam (or Handsome Dan as my sister says) because it's always good to have a puppy around when you have a young horse and everything you're doing is new. I knew if I rode into the dam just by myself, I would be hyper aware of Dewey and all Iminent Disaster, but because I had to be a scout, and keep my eyes open for other dogs, other riders, keeping my eye on Becky and seeing how she would do out in the dam for the first time (no dam etiquette), it kept me from worrying about Dewey and weirdly, made everything okay. I did have to get on and off at first, when we saw runners, or other people with dogs, because I wanted to make sure Becky knew to not chase people, bark at people, run off, etc. Training. But it turns out if you have a pocketful of ham, dogs come running right back when you call them. I was flinging ham all over that trail, and Becky was my trained seal. She did bark at a few people (she didn't know any better), but mostly she trotted along a little in front of us, and kept stopping and coming back - she knew she was a team with me and Dew. She was so exemplary, really, for a first time trail pup. And she eased my nerves because Dewey just followed along behind her, and enjoyed her company too. Plus he liked that I kept getting off because he got to stand there which is his favorite thing to do. We splashed through two creeks, and at one point when Becky obviously started worrying that we were nowhere near home, she started whining a little like what the hell, when is this going to be over? But then she settled back down, we went over a small mountain on a detour home, and then suddenly we were back. 2 hrs and 15 mins. We walked and trotted around the lake, we started in the mist, and ended up sweating in the sun. Everyone safe and sound. Happy, and having done the hardest thing. The first try.