Momish

I officially started writing "Momish," the Movie. Well, okay, it's an outline, but it's a sequel to my book, "Somebody's Always Hungry." That book ended with my 3rd baby born. This one starts with wanting to get the hell out, now that the kids have opinions and can argue. I guess it's the midsection, the totally conflict ridden years. I don't enjoy conflict. I don't even like ripples in the pool. Smooth sailing. Yet that doesn't happen with 3 kids, and maybe that doesn't happen ANYWHERE. That's what's funny. Trying to get away from conflict. Outrun it. So we'll see where this gets me. Perhaps it's my life work, as viewed from above. Three novels/pieces about motherhood, beginning middle and end. Then end book I hope is going to be the one where I cry the most. Because I survived it all, and everyone's happy. That's the part I want to see.

Bombproofing Myself

I walked out of County USC hospital on Thursday, pretty much finished with my broken finger situation. I was crying, saying to myself, I never want to come here again. I can never ride again. I have to find something I can do that isn't riding. The doc said my bone is healed, but my finger is a little crooked and it overlaps my pinky. Oh, and it's still stiff. The doctor said it might always be that way, and I can come back in 2 months after a little more strengthening with Occupational Therapy, and if it's still bothering me, they can do another surgery and cut the bone. Oh HELL NO! I did not say, but oh HEll no. I can type and play piano, I'm gonna consider myself saved. So I felt like shit all the way home, my riding life is over, and then I got home, went to the barn, saddled up the horse, went over to the neighbor's arena, lunged him to make sure he was listening and not silly, and then climbed back on. Just did little circles while saying, filled with fear, "just doing little circles!!" and then got off after 5 mins. Put him away. First ride post-accident, down. A success. Worked with him on the ground the next two days, then back up in the saddle today. After lunging. More walking, circles, practicing one-rein stop at the walk. Practiced breathing, and using my seat to cue him to stop, sitting deep in the saddle. So I can strengthen my seat and keep myself safe in case of a bucking incident again. Dewey, of course, has no idea what's going on. He's a perfect angel. Just stops, peeks his head around looking for carrots. Was really being an excellent boy. Trotted a little bit. Walked more, then got off. Another successful ride. That's TWO. My goal was to relax, just stay on, no drama. I didn't mention that I packed my pants with foam and wore an endurance rider's vest. My pants looked like beachballs. But I don't care. If I fall, I'm going to land softly, and I'm not going to do any rein pulling in the future, that's my new goal. So it is good to get back on. I am insane. But I'm a careful insane. He's the horse I have. I have been desensitizing him to everything - can now approach him and rub him all over with a big pool noodle. I was hula hooping next to him yesterday and holding out a carrot, and after regarding me with doubt for a few minutes, he came over and ate it and then watched me hula hoop the whole time. So see, good stomach muscles AND desensitizing. I want to have as few surprises as I can have, and be as relaxed as I can be. Hoping to get this Fjord buddy horse I have my eye on. If I can ride with a friend or my kids, that would be the greatest thing ever.

Drive Forward

Haven't been writing because it's hard to write with a broken finger. I didn't get it from FALLING off the horse, which hurt, but from PULLING the horse so hard to stop that my finger snapped. So yes, I'm a little out of balance, and now afraid to ride. But at least reading that maybe there are a few holes in my training that got my horse not to listen to me in the first place. So I'm back on the ground, trying to figure out where to start. I am 47, so probably too old and caring about my life too much to risk injury, and yet here I still have Dewey, the 5 yr old TB, and I have these ropes I made to teach him to drive, and I can still work with him on the ground, so here I go. What I like about taking small steps with the horse, desensitizing to ropes, then moving up to connecting the ropes to the bridle, and then moving up to walking next to him while holding the ropes, then moving up to walking a little farther back and holding the ropes, and then moving to turning him and crossing the ropes over his butt (which he still swishes his tail at me, but he will continue going...I like that there are building blocks. And what I understood today, when I actually felt for a few minutes like we were a unit as I walked behind and he listened with an ear, and let me drive him forward - the horse is learning to trust that no matter where I am, I am connected to him, and I will guide him safely. I won’t let go. He might be silly sometimes, argue with me but if I establish and re-establish myself, eventually he trusts and relaxes and it’s partnership. Swished his tail to say, I’m not too happy with that rope on my butt, but I’m gonna keep going. I can actually do less and he will do more. I can be quieter, guide from center, and w balance. Anyway, it's a learning experience. Reading these trainers that say go ahead and make mistakes, just keep going. Step back a step if you notice the horse is confused. If he's not doing what you want, he doesn't understand what you're asking. Ask clearly and allow. Let him step in and do his part. I'm so used to doing all the parts. (or I think I am) I like when he steps on the rope and freaks out because the next time it happens, he will freak out less. It's good to know where he needs the work. The best part is teaching him that when something scary happens, you stop and relax. face the scary object. Relax. It isn't that scary after all. I don't know if I'll stick with training Dewey, or owning Dewey. If the opportunity comes to have a short, boring horse, I will consider it. But he is in training to be boring, and he is doing pretty well. He's going through this bucking when things get scary, and have to work through that, before I get on his back. He's a teenager. I'll keep driving.

Start All Over Again

Okay, for people out there training a young horse, who have kids and limited time - don't cut corners! My 5 yr old TB was doing so well - lazy, in fact, that I just stuck a bareback pad on him after a few days of really no riding, or light riding, and then I went up the road to the trail. He decided it would be fun to buck like crazy, to stretch his legs and leap around which at 5, he needed to do, just not with me on his back. So off I went onto the cement road on my butt, and I'm barely sitting down now, 2 weeks later. So 2 weeks of me thinking I better get rid of him is turning into me thinking, I better make sure and exercise him. And if I don't have time to do it right, to keep me safe, I have to not ride. So I'm looking into getting a boring, short fat horse for free that I can stick kids on and have company on the trail. That's my goal for the next few months. So I'm not alone, and then Dewey can take the 3 years he needs to take to become the best trail horse around, to grow and mature without the pressure of being the family horse now. And I'll keep giving him time to kick up his heels, and also watch him as I ride and be prepared. Sal at the feed store said, "Did he give you a sign he was going to buck?" And yes of course, he did. He put his head down and was playfully kicking his feet out like a colt in the field. But I thought nothing of it. But now I know I have to be the leader. (and give him plenty of turnout time) Honestly, being the leader is tiring. But he is such a decent, loving horse. We've come a long way. The good part about falling is that now I've fallen, on the worst surface, I lived through it, I'm okay - now I can fall off. Even as an old lady. I can decide what I can handle and what I can't, and I can try and be as prepared and safe as possible. Seems like I'm getting all my riding skills NOW, where as a kid I just hopped on and didn't have to MANAGE everything. But I also wasn't riding a young TB then, either.

Dew Progress

So Dewey's been here 9 mos and his new thing is if you're scratching him, he'll turn around and offer you his butt, cause he likes getting scratched where he can't reach. He's is exactly like a dog. I let him go out on the rocky river trail without his boots on and his feet got a little shredded cause they were too long and his boots didn't fit anymore. So the trimmer will come on the weekend and hopefully he's going to look like a million bucks again. I'm hoping he might not need boots anymore, his feet are pretty hard. He needs to be trimmed every 6 weeks, I was just trying to see how long we could go, not always a great idea. I started riding in a bareback pad on the trail, just the close trail, cause it's so hot and the saddle is too big and heavy for summer. He's doing really perfectly - he'll do everything I ask. Every new thing is a scary adventure for me, but he doesn't seem to mind anything. He just says, "You wanna do it? Let's do it." Yet he does it fairly lethargically, which is what I like the best. He's getting his right lead canter now, so I'd say he's almost perfect. Got the arena basics, has manners on the trail although he does like to play with the mare we ride with and act like a 5 year old. But he doesn't really spook - if he's nervous, he sort of arches his whole body upwards, like he's trying to zing into space, and moves to the side a little. I am almost ready to start teaching the kids on him, just been cautious since he's 5 and he's tall. Summer and then I'll have had him a year, and then I can relax completely. I almost got him a goat buddy, but I didn't want to spend actual money on a goat, so I'm waiting. Maybe I can find a free horse buddy that the kids can ride, I'd like to have a friend on the trail with me.

Miracle Pony

Dude, haven't written in here in awhile. I decided writing was stupid. But Dewey, he's been here 8 months, and today I put a 7 year old on him for a little mini-lesson. And then I put Lilly the 5 year old on him. Then I put Lee Lee the 46 year old on. Dewey is a horse that cares about people. Somehow I am able to do whatever I want with this 5 year old Thoroughbred. Now that I've ridden him almost every day for 8 months, and exposed him to as much as possible. But it seems like I learn as I go - and all he does is allow me to grow and trust. He was lame for awhile, but I think it was too small trail boots. Cause now he's better, and getting all balanced and strong again. Now that it's hot hot summer. Anyway, as I get older and creakier (heading into 47), Dewey just reflects calm, and peace. Miracle pony.

Rocket Goat

Can I just talk for a minute, about the goat? My loving but stupid friend Nandy started talking about how the horse was lonely, and needed a friend. But we have no money, would like to have another horse, half-dead variety, that I could put the kids on, but that seemed pricey, even half-dead has to eat. So we thought, okay, let's get a goat. There's nothing I like better than staying up late and basking in the Farm and Garden section of craigslist. You can wipe pictures of farm animals all over you and no one will know. It's almost like living in the country, without having to be too far away from a Panda Express. Anyway, so I of course find the free goat that someone is getting rid of, and it looks cute, not stupid like some of them, and as I'm planning to get it I'm getting this kind of bad feeling in my stomach, because didn't we have goats here for like a year and weren't they so terrible that I'd fling them over the fence when they got in my way? But ignore that, because no, that must be wrong, and hey shopping is fun. So I pile a bunch of kids in the car, we go see the goat on this gorgeous tree-lined street in Alta Dena. There's the big sort of doofy goat (ours) and there's a tiny little dog-like goat (the one we should have gotten) that they're keeping. Well, free is free, we heft the goat into the trunk, and then stop to get gas. This turns out to be the best part of the goat experience. The goat is EXCELLENT in the car. Just lays down, not a peep, even seems to like straightening up the random pieces of hay back there for no extra charge. We get the goat home, the dog immediately wants to EAT the goat. The horse is so happy to see the goat, he is running after it, every place it goes, Dewey goes. The goat finally VAULTS itself over the barn fence. Not to get away, but perhaps just to show us that this goat is not a regular goat, this is a ROCKET GOAT. The goat has no real interest in staying back with the horse, which is devastating to the horse, who has fallen in desperate love and has no dignity about proclaiming it loudly and plaintively. The goat wants to live in the house. We wrestle the goat back in to the barn, the goat sails back over the fence. The goat has the personality of Donald Trump. I'm going wherever I want, I don't care about you, I'm going to figure out the doggy door and then I'm going to be brushing my teeth in your bathroom. Basically, the goat's name should have been "MOVE OVER." So, last night at 8 at night, I am with Nathan in the car, driving the goat back to Alta Dena. Again, a very pleasant ride. My nerves are shattered. The horse was shattered, heartbroken as his fresh buddy left, but then when I got home and checked on him in the barn, Dewey was eating hay and looked at me like "What goat?" Moral: Wait, save money, and get the 2nd horse you can actually use.

New Years, Same Old Farm

Two things - a Dewey Update, and the Chicken Massacre. A few days ago, SOMETHING got into the chicken yard and ate 8 of our chickens. Four were only a few months old, more like nuggets, and the other 4 of course were the good layers. That's alot of chicken. I haven't even ordered that much chicken from Pollo Loco at one time. Somebody was hungry. Anyway, now I have to lock them in at night (there is a dungeon) and let them out in the morning. The bad part is, I was getting a little sick of chickens, and even thought of getting rid of them, and then the massacre. Did I cause it?? It's just that I would go into the yard and they'd RUSH at me, screaming like Beatles fans. Wheresthefoodwheresthefood - it was obnoxious. It was worse than my own kids. Anyway, all's silent on the chicken front now. The 5 remaining hens, they all look mutely terrified. They did see their friends swallowed whole. They're getting counseling. I believe the dog is conducting afternoon workshops entitled, "Why I Love to Eat of the Trashcan," which should help.

And in other less ghastly news, Dewey had 3 weeks of irregular regular riding while the kids were off school. The not so psycho neighbor let us use her arena and it's been a godsend. Dewey can go over there and run around and let off energy, and I can ride in there and work him over poles and tarps and stuff. I'm also learning how to trim his hooves which is really cool, to learn how to keep his feet strong and healthy and barefoot. It's my new farmer trait. I'm hoping to move DIE-rectly into overalls for the remainder of my life, leaning on fences and chewing on a piece of straw, once I have hoof trimming down to a science. Dewey has also learned to canter, and is getting good at stopping, and a nice steady rhythm to his gaits. He's becoming a horse I can put the kids on in the neighbor's arena (maybe by spring), and teach them on. He's pretty reliable. Very sweet and tries hard. Just young and doofy sometimes, he especially doesn't like trash cans on their SIDES. That really bothers him. He's been here almost 4 months, and the more we do, the better he is. Two young girls are going to be riding him once a week (to give my butt a break) and they're donating a bale of hay each time they come, so his hay will be paid for. I think it'll be good for all of us, we'll see if it works out. News from the Momish front.