Rocket Goat

Can I just talk for a minute, about the goat? My loving but stupid friend Nandy started talking about how the horse was lonely, and needed a friend. But we have no money, would like to have another horse, half-dead variety, that I could put the kids on, but that seemed pricey, even half-dead has to eat. So we thought, okay, let's get a goat. There's nothing I like better than staying up late and basking in the Farm and Garden section of craigslist. You can wipe pictures of farm animals all over you and no one will know. It's almost like living in the country, without having to be too far away from a Panda Express. Anyway, so I of course find the free goat that someone is getting rid of, and it looks cute, not stupid like some of them, and as I'm planning to get it I'm getting this kind of bad feeling in my stomach, because didn't we have goats here for like a year and weren't they so terrible that I'd fling them over the fence when they got in my way? But ignore that, because no, that must be wrong, and hey shopping is fun. So I pile a bunch of kids in the car, we go see the goat on this gorgeous tree-lined street in Alta Dena. There's the big sort of doofy goat (ours) and there's a tiny little dog-like goat (the one we should have gotten) that they're keeping. Well, free is free, we heft the goat into the trunk, and then stop to get gas. This turns out to be the best part of the goat experience. The goat is EXCELLENT in the car. Just lays down, not a peep, even seems to like straightening up the random pieces of hay back there for no extra charge. We get the goat home, the dog immediately wants to EAT the goat. The horse is so happy to see the goat, he is running after it, every place it goes, Dewey goes. The goat finally VAULTS itself over the barn fence. Not to get away, but perhaps just to show us that this goat is not a regular goat, this is a ROCKET GOAT. The goat has no real interest in staying back with the horse, which is devastating to the horse, who has fallen in desperate love and has no dignity about proclaiming it loudly and plaintively. The goat wants to live in the house. We wrestle the goat back in to the barn, the goat sails back over the fence. The goat has the personality of Donald Trump. I'm going wherever I want, I don't care about you, I'm going to figure out the doggy door and then I'm going to be brushing my teeth in your bathroom. Basically, the goat's name should have been "MOVE OVER." So, last night at 8 at night, I am with Nathan in the car, driving the goat back to Alta Dena. Again, a very pleasant ride. My nerves are shattered. The horse was shattered, heartbroken as his fresh buddy left, but then when I got home and checked on him in the barn, Dewey was eating hay and looked at me like "What goat?" Moral: Wait, save money, and get the 2nd horse you can actually use.