Training from a Quiet Spot

Today I could hear the horse talking to me. Not talking that way, just I stopped my busy mind and just felt the horse. Looked at the world slightly lower and quieter, from big brown eyes. I saw the traffic on our street as we walked up to the park. I saw that yesterday when I was mad and thinking like a human, I didn't see that yesterday when we went up to the park he was a 7 year old baby horse who hasn't been out in awhile and was excited to look at everything. He was excited to see other horses. He wasn't paying that much attention to me and our work, until I reminded him hey. We're here to do something. Then he settled in, he did what I needed. The quieter I got in my own self, the more basic and quiet in my cues, the more he settled in. Today he had had his runabout yesterday and his getting used to being out again in the world. Today I got on and partner kept coming up in my mind. Today I bridled him slowly. I thought about how it felt to be saddled, how it felt to be treated by human hands, how a horse wants to be with the calmest, strongest leader. So they can relax. They aren't so different than us. So today I watched my horse through my legs when I rode, and I stacked up my body like building blocks so I wouldn't cave in at the top, like I do when I get scared. I rode upright. I let him move forward. I let him ride next to other horses because I was tuned in to his mood and saw that he wasn't going to get playful and forget I was up there and have a nice romp. I kept reminding him I was up there by changing speed and direction, giving him things to do, it's not that different from teaching a class of 3rd graders. Or raising kids. You do actually have to work a little bit. But instead of thinking of it like THIS HAS TO BE THIS WAY, I just used my legs as walls, and let him lean the right way by asking him and allowing him to move, softening the wall on one side means you are welcome to go over here. It will be nice over here, I promise. So then Dewey loves to work. Also he is long legged and slightly wobbly to the right, his weak cantering side, but he worked on that side for me and I held him up with my inside leg, and together, we worked together to make our ride interesting, varied, fun, challenging. Out there in the world. Instead of trying to yell it all, or contain it all, I let it crash over me in a wave, and let the water trickle back out and we were still standing there working together. It helps to know your horse. I guess when things seem frustrating I just want to get rid of him but maybe knowing your horse is actually a really good thing. He's not always in the mood, and I'm not always in the brave mood, but today it was just crisp out, and morning and I didn't have any other responsibilities, and things have been busy and hard lately and this morning just popped out and we were working together under the big sky as a team. Both of us listening. Being able to give. We gave whatever we could to make it work, and then we're both happy at the end. I should get off my high horse and do this in other areas of life. It's such a powerful thing, to give everything you have, and first listen, to yourself and to the horse. (or the human) The horse will tell you the truth. But first you have to be so quiet, and shut off that rational brain. The brain is too noisy and most of it means nothing. You can feel what means something. With riding I get to feel from different rarely used muscles in my whole body. It's a pretty miraculous thing. Dewey has done so many things growing up that have made me terrified of him and his strength and power. But maybe he's teaching me something. Break things down into small pieces. Enjoy the path, and let him graze. Let him be a horse, but let him work for me. When we free up that bond by practice, small and simple, and listening with just the middle of my self- that is interesting. Seeing where it takes us.

Dewey Scrapes By

Lemme talk about Dewey for a minute. He was doing so well and I wish he had told me before becoming buckaroo bonsai that he didn't so much like harnessing and the way the straps would hit him in the tender loin area. Because last time I harnessed him (and I was CAREFUL, knowing he was a little sensitive), he started jumping around like his feet were on fire. He in fact ended up with his back leg on TOP of the fence. Stuck there. Til he ripped it down scraping himself nicely. Which is healing now, a week later. Bucking in front of me does not make me want to ride him. Luckily, now everytime he sees a saddle a bridle or anything with straps, he starts dancing around in fear so the chance to ride him becomes less and less a realistic situation. So I check the internet and it says now that you've made your horse terrified, you have to saddle him a bunch of times in a retardedly slow way until saddling is no big deal anymore. The fun quotient is way down on the riding right now. Before this new fun situation, I pretty much stopped riding trail because it took too long to get out there and Becky got attacked by a coyote last time. And I don't like going out alone that much, and I got tired of riding with the neighbor ladies because my horse liked to frolic too much with their horses. In reality, I have a horse that needs a huge pasture and some buddies to play with. He needs to get his energy out, play and then come in for rides in a good frame of mind. He's tried really hard to be a good horse, and I've tried really hard to help him succeed. But it has been all work and no play. I got Dewey a sheep to keep him company and then I've kinda stepped back in the anxious rider department. I'm just making sure he gets exercise, and we're doing arena work. But he has hives from this weird weather or weird hay who knows. And he's sore from the leg he hyperextended during his harness freak out. So now if I tried to sell him it would be impossible because he's terrified of saddling, riddled with bumps from hives, sore on the leg. This may be something to look back on in a month and laugh. For now, it's just this was my recreation. It's become a drag. And no happy riding makes me a grumpy mom. Plus my son is failing algebra 2. That sucks. Oh and a 100 year old man told me I'm annoying. And I have a terrible cold. I need a mom. that'sallloveclyde

The More You Do It, the Less Impossible It Seems

It was freezing, wet ground, windy and blustery this morning so I thought, it's a good day to ground drive Dewey to the park. Also, it's trash truck Monday, why not add another diversion to test the poor guy. Hadn't driven him a week, and put on his harness and for some reason he had a little freak out like he was suddenly surprised he didn't like the harness on his butt, and bounced around a little in the barn but he didn't really go anywhere, so I kept harnessing him up and checked all his straps and then we were off to the park. In the driveway there is a huge chocolate brown tarp that is billowing up over the bicycles and a ladder on the other side, and Dewey is eyeing it all but he walks past it. We head out the gate, and he's still feeling the wind, and being a young TB, but I start driving him and we settle in. I decided when you ground drive you have to pretend you are actually on a carriage ride, and act accordingly. So you keep an eye out for danger, keep your horse moving forward, and feel his mouth on the end of the rein. He's trusting you. Dewey settles in alongside the trafficky road, and next to the dogs barking at houses we pass. We take a different route to the park, and once in the park we pass white plastic bagged trash waiting to be picked up, and we trot through the park on a route we don't usually go - I make a loop through the trees, and along the outline of the park and you know what, Dewey loves to work. He loves to do nothing MORE, but when he's all harnessed up, he wants to go somewhere. We go into the park arena, and I unharness him and let him roll. The sun feels so good I sit down in the middle of the arena on the drying wet sand from rain last night, and I lie flat on the ground. Then I look up and Dewey is laying flat on the ground too. It just feels good. I go over and sit on him, the big warm cow that he is, and we reflect on how we're doing that day. Or at least I do. Then chase him around so he can gallop and stretch his legs. Harness him back up, and we head back out down the road, past flapping tarps. On our little sidestreet I forget to watch where we're going, I just feel him. I feel his head relax down, I feel him moving forward freely, I guide him side to side, to make our connection solid and gentle. A huge trash truck comes barreling at us and I wave loudly at him and he stops and cuts his engine, which I wish he didn't, I just wanted him to slow down. Dewey passes the trash truck with no problem. We walk home as one horsepersonanimal - driving is the same as riding because Dewey is waiting to see what I want, and waiting to fulfill it. He's also happy to just be out exploring. On the secret path right before our house is a long skinny bamboo that's fallen across the path. Dewey stops and wants to turn around, but he just stops. I pet him and let him stand there. Then I encourage him forward. He's still saying uhhh, that stick is blowing in the wind. If I step on that stick it will move. I will be scared. I stop and let him relax, like we're not going anywhere. We're just going to stay here. We stand there for awhile until the fear goes away. Dewey does not want to go over the stick, but I gently pick up the reins and say come on, let's just walk over it. He walks over it. I'm getting better and handling the whip, and tossing it over him so I can help speed him up or guide him that way. Before it felt very heavy and awkward. Practice is helping. Yesterday I put two kids on him double for the first time in his life, and walked them around. Four legs on him and he was fine with it. He likes to be part of the family. He knows he belongs. What a pretty nice thing for any of us to have, right? As for driving, it is helping to do each step - I had him pulling chain for the first time last week. And I walked him with PVC pipe against his side to get him used to shafts. It's exciting to be getting him used to all the things he'd have to endure as a driving horse. Mostly, though, it's nice to learn from off his back, that this horse will do anything I ask him. He will try. He's trusting me. So it's only fair to ask him to do things he can succeed at - then we both can build our confidence. Blustery trash truck freezing day - go out and do it. The more you do it, the less impossible it seems. I can even see doing a parade. Because then the noise is just part of the ride. If you say it's okay, your horse can be worried, but if you keep him going, then he will see it's okay. Then it's just part of the day.

Dewey After 3 Years

What's weird is, when you start doing stuff you're afraid of, you forget to be afraid. It's been 3 years now, of me riding Dewey. Two trips to the hospital, one broken finger. But those were two bad rides out of about 700 rides maybe? And both of the bad rides were because of youthfulness, and me not being careful enough. Now I'm going out almost every day, and we're in a good routine. I like the time out, he likes the time out. In fact, I think he'd like more days off actually. He's getting a little slow! But now we go out into the dam alone, today we took a new path we have never ridden alone, along the golf course. I haven't ridden it except once about 2 yrs ago. It is a LONG trail, and ugly! But it forced us to canter quite a bit, which is the scary thing for me since I don't practice it very much and not out on trail for long stretches. This path had lots of long stretches, so we did our cantering, and he was perfect, slow and ready to quit when I was. So in a way, it was a good path to take when I need to have him stretch his legs. We just won't do the whole loop, around the lake after, because it took almost 3 hours door to door. That's just too much time for me. An hr and a half ride is a good amount of time, but since we live so far from the dam, it always adds a half hr to the ride. Dewey is getting really great at doing what you ask, walking over scary stuff, being poked by scary stuff, totally enjoyed standing in the creek and having a snack and gulps of water. We went out without trail boots and I got off and walked him over steep or rocky ground, just to give his feet a break. We are definitely enjoying a partnership - growing our trust and confidence in each other. And learning to use my whole body, and using three different saddles - treeless, dressage and Aussie. He's a willing and loving creature. I've learned so much the last 3 years. Now that we're comfy out on the trail at the moment, I'll get him riding with buddies again, and I'm looking for a buddy horse for him. Also I'm looking for a harness again so I can get back to ground driving. He'll be a cart and trail horse. And I'm going to get the kids riding a little each month so they can gain riding skills in the arena and be able to go on trail with me. Dewey is almost mellow enough now for them to ride out on trail with me walking alongside. He loves going out with Becky, she runs in and out of brush and in and out of the creek and he feels good with her out there, and it's good for him too. I guess the point is, when I have a bad ride I feel like giving up, but since I keep going anyway, the practice seems to work. At least with a young horse. Getting out and riding is really the only way to grow your trust, your partnership, and your skills. And get comfortable and confident on the trails. Exposure to anything takes the fear out of it. I should use this in other aspects of life! Right now fresh bread is baking so I'm going to eat it. Hope everyone out there keeps riding. Oh also, you can ride a horse when they have hives. If anyone is wondering. He's still got some edema from it, but the water is coming out and riding seems to be fine.

Free Forward Motion

Can I just talk about Dewey progress for a minute. Okay, so about a month ago I was riding with Lisa and going up a big hill and we started cantering, and Dewey gave a huge buck in celebration and I landed on his neck. Not the ideal position for riding, especially at 49. So I stopped riding with friends for awhile, and focused on getting my seat stronger and legs stronger, and just improve my skills in general. Kaitlin helped me by telling me to practice sitting a working trot, and doing up up down posting to get my legs in the right place. Then I figured out that I was holding him back because I was afraid of him going forward. He's so tall and young and strong. But once I realized what she said - release him to have free forward motion, it's been amazing. In the arena, I sit this strong faster trot, and open my body in the front, using all my "Core" as they say, the stomach, and I guess the hip and front of the thigh. I also started looking up and where I'm going, instead of down and worried about what Dewey was going to step on and scare himself. This greatly helped our forward motion! (I did need to do that for awhile, keep track of stuff under his feet, but I can move on and do that less, since he's gotten pretty good.) So the past three days I've gone out on trail alone and slowly started testing myself and my work. I started with the one bamboo trail we always take, and just relaxed. Then I took the loop around the lake which has lots of open space, which is intimidating, but which I started trotting - sitting and posting, sitting and posting, to get Dewey used to moving forward, outside, and listening. Having the dressage saddle during my arena practice helped me figure out my leg position, so now I can feel when my leg isn't under me, where it should be. So yesterday I did the lake loop for the second time after a long break, and then we did a different bamboo home where it's quiet and beautiful and we wade through water at the end. And then we hike up this big mountain and we're home. Each day has been about 2 hr rides. Then today, Dewey was definitely more dragging going out - I don't know if it's hard on him on the hills, he feels broken going down hill, but I think it's strengthening him in his weak areas - he isn't lame afterwards. Today I took a different way there, up a gradual hill in the estates, got off and handwalked him through Bella Vista stables (a new experience), where he could see lots of other horses, then down the gradual hill where he bucked that one day. We went into the dam, through the bamboo backwards, which was new for us lately, and then through the other newish bamboo, waded through water and then headed back out. We cantered little bits where I felt safe, and what I'm doing now is making sure I'm looking up, heels down, and asking for forward (not up!). It helped that he was tired after 3 days of riding. So we cantered exactly where he bucked last time and no problem at all. So curse lifted there. Then walked riding him back thru Bella Vista and then home with no problems. He only hesitated once on bamboo trail when a stick poked his foot, and he took a few steps back. But instead of getting off, I waited and then urged him forward again and he was fine. It's really me having to get him out enough for him to have no excess energy, and then I can focus on my riding and his listening, and the stronger I am, the more he relaxes. He needed me to guide him. It's easier when I don't have to worry about danger/youth, and instead can focus on just regular riding. It is really nice to build this relationship and know him, day to day, and challenge ourselves. Last night I tried on his new/used harness, and he wasn't thrilled with the bridle with blinders, but we'll take our time to introduce it. We are doing pretty well right now. We'll get back to riding with people maybe once a week, and we'll even get back to cantering with them. But for now, our little baby steps seem to be working and building confidence in us both. His training is more fun when we have these successes. Tomorrow he gets the morning off cause I have to work (plus today, 3rd day straight on trail, even I was a little bored/tired), but I might fool with him in the harness out front tomorrow afternoon. He should also give the kids a riding lesson. I like seeing the amount of exercise he needs to be a good boy - it's exercise and exposure - he is getting it all, and it shows. I hope I get him to where I can actually drive him with a cart and he's safe!! But first we'll keep doing what we're doing. He likes all the attention. Plus his feet are getting nice and strong! One month with no trail boots at all. He gets little purple bruises sometimes, but he stays sound, so I figure he's doing allright. Still looking for a buddy horse for him but it has to be free, or almost free. Want the kids to ride before they go off to college. Maybe I'll get to go off to college too. Okay that's all more soon. Riveting details of our training. And then I came home and some eggs I thought were infertile and almost threw away but had a broody hen so I stuck them under her and I hear chirping today and there's one yellow chick and 3 more scratching to get out of their eggs. Nature is so powerful. It just speaks to me, all the life and the fluffiness and strength of it all. Also, I lost a bunch of weight and I weigh 160 which I think is good! It would be nice to lose 5 more pounds, and be able to eat ice cream sometimes. You have to exercise so much! The Dewey training does translate into the Real World...all the things I'm learning - like, in my regular day as I'm walking around all crushed by life and daily work, just remembering to open up - freeing the front of your body - free forward motion. Unlock yourself, and walk right in. It's tall and glorious out there, in front. It's ridiculous and fun.

Strong, Safe, Peaceful, Happy

Today I rode Dewey out with my Aussie saddle, and did the loop around the lake. It rained yesterday and I walked the trail with the kids while a girl rode Dewey and we all got our feet wet and drove the golf cart up the mountain (treacherous fun) with Nathan driving and we piled out and hiked and went through creeks and walked through wet sandy mud, and rain clears out the sky and gives fresh churned sand new hope. When we get back nice and safe and sound, you'd think time with the horse would satisfy my need to ride, but then I wake up wanting to go out the next day. So today all the work I'm doing in the arena pays off, because I'm trotting Dewey out on the trail and trying to turn off my brain so I can just focus on free forward motion, allowing him to move forward comfortably, with his head not up but comfortable, and my legs under me, and feel my whole body open in the front, supporting me. It's like before I rode shut down in the front, and now I'm allowing. Riding gives you a place to figure out your body, and a skill to practice, and at the same time I don't have to walk and I get to see pretty scenery. So I can't wait to go out tomorrow and see what trouble Dew and I can get into. Before when I would canter I would be worried about speed and control, and since I've been working on trot, it's helped me to have a stronger seat/leg, so when we fall into the canter out there again eventually, it should be easy and comfortable and safe. That's my goal. Strong, safe, peaceful, and happy. It's fun to ride without other people because then I can go the pace I want and focus on what I need to focus on without worrying about other people's needs. Plus I'm quiet, and don't have anything to say! What I miss about riding with other people is that it's nice to listen sometimes, and Dewey likes the company. But he's the same horse whether we go with buddies or not, and I've found for me he's more reliable when we just go ourselves and he's not playing around being an annoying little brother (and bucking) (ouch). His new used horse harness is getting here tomorrow, so that'll be fun to clean up and try on him and get him drive trained. He does like to be fussed with. He's a good horse, you just have to ride 5 days a week! I get grumpy, too, when I have to work and don't get to ride.

The Buck Stops Here

How do I ever get my confidence back if my stupid horse keeps bucking? Dewey has been so great, we've been having such a good time that I started going out on the trail by myself, walk trot cantering, and I haven't been completely secure, but secure enough to attempt it, and we've done really well. Then I go out with Lisa the other day and Dewey gives a few little bucks going into the canter, so I pull him back and we do the rest of the trail, and then we're going up a hill at the end of the ride and decide to canter again, and I kind of knew he wasn't in a good frame of mind, his nose way up in the air, his trot was sucking, and then Lisa starts to canter, and Dewey is too frolicky, and he just LAUNCHES his back end up in the hugest buck, and I fly upwards, looking down and seeing my stirrups empty, like a flung chicken, and then I land on his neck and think what the hell am I doing here, and luckily he bucks only two short ones and I have jerked him back to a stop and gotten my seat again and I am pissed. I'm pissed because I've come so far with this horse, and I am not 14 yrs old anymore, and I don't want to fall off. I don't want to ride this kind of horse doing this kind of behavior. He is the tallest horse, which makes his buck powerful, but also he is slow moving, mostly, which makes it easier to stay on. But I don't want to even HAVE the CHANCE to perfect my buck sitting. So after two days now of not ever wanting to ride again, I'm thinking well I just have to either make it thru this teenager horse situation, or just not ride. I have to sell the horse, or work through it, I have to use my friend Clare the rider to help me through it, help teach him not to do it -- he might do it forever, or he might only do it til he learns he can't do it. It's just hard to reprimand the horse when you're flying in the air. I haven't decided what to do. If I had the money, I would probably buy a Quarter horse, and just ride trails without ever having to worry again. For now I'll see what the next few weeks bring, but now I have to be ultra careful again, and learn to sit deep, be firm, improve myself. I like training Dewey, I just get tired of training instead of riding. Was really enjoying just riding lately. I just have kids, so I can't die. Riding is supposed to be fun, not all work. I can see that I will be soon have a little mini horse, and be driving all over the neighborhood instead of riding.